[Crossover] [Adventure] [Sci-Fi] [Dark]
Author: Master Shake
Description: The story follows Doctor Whoof as he embarks on an adventure to save Equestria from the evil which he accidentally summoned there when he crossed the gap between realities in his TARDIS. Along his journey he acquires the aid of each one of the mane six characters. They each become a Doctor's so called companion, but for only a brief period of time. As the story progresses, more and more is learned about an ancient artifact that every civilization has to call 'The Source'. With the help of our pastel colored equines, the Doctor will not only protect 'The Source' from those who wish to use its powers for evil, but learn more about what kind of a role the object played in the history of Equestria.
Additional Tags: Attempt at Epic origin story
I'd like to just point out that your image on the front page is fantastic! Well done, Master Shake.
ReplyDeleteAlright, here's my two bits on the latest addition to the story. The plot is progressing very nicely, the dialogue is great (I love it when the Doctor addresses Ditzy as Miss Doo), and the writing style is very interesting.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, the only errors I found were technical ones. If I were you, I would leave the story as it is, because the plot is well planned and flows great. You can use Ctrl-F to find these errors.
In the end of Part 2, you spelled rubble - ruble. Also, you capitalized Dragon in the middle of a sentence.
In part 3, you spelled shiny - shinny. You spelled just - juts. You forgot to capitalize the beginning of a sentence starting with "it was her fifth". You spelled with - wuith.
You spelled getting - gettung. You spelled Timelords - TimeLords. You said "a fate far worst" instead of a "fate far worse."
At one point you said "the other sound followed soon." I think you should add a word and say "the other sound followed soon after."
When you said wilder-beast, I don't know if you meant wildebeest or something else.
Also, you referred to the Doctor as a colt a few times in this chapter, while you say stallion for the rest. Colt is a young male horse, while stallion is an adult male horse. It's also the difference between filly and mare.
Hopefully those edits can be of some assistance to you, Shake. I really am enjoying this tale.
Thanks, Enigma, I'll make sure to correct those mistakes.
ReplyDeleteThough, I do have a question for you. How come the storied lose their comments when they're updated? Isn't there a way to bump them up without losing what was already posted? It's not really a big problem, but it's still a bit confusing.
Thanks for the suggestion, Master Shake. I suppose it would be beneficial to keep comments on posts. I looked into it, and it can be done, it just involves editing the dates on posts to make them more recent. Equestria Daily does it that way, and from now on, I'll do that too.
ReplyDeleteThat image is absolutely awesome, and I am jealous.
ReplyDeleteSo far I'm a big fan, I think this story will turn out to be much more epic and far-reaching than most DW/FiM crossovers. I like the descriptions and imagery, the dialogue is played out well, also. The characterization of this twelfth Doctor is very interesting, he seems to be a little more prone to short rants and is easily annoyed. Though the anger he feels is really because he's mad at himself, more than anyone else; at least that's what I got out of it.
The only errors I could find were the technical ones that Enigma pointed out. Though to add on to his list there is a point in the first part, during the scene where Twilight is waking up where the phrase 'it was quiet the challenge' is said. I assume you meant 'quite the challenge,' instead.
Anyways, can't wait for more to go up, and I am very interested to find out who 'they' are.
I wonder if it counts as a double post if the time between the posts is a month and then some..
ReplyDeleteAnyways, chapter 4 was fun. The plot thickens, of course, and Celestia gets involved. I can't wait to see how that turns out.
Although, I think I inadvertently copied the idea of the Time Louse and put it in my story. For this I'm so, so, so sorry. I assure you I didn't mean to. If you want, I can go back and edit/rewrite it to something else.
Again, sorry a million times over.
There's no need to change it. Louse wasn't really an original concept to begin with. I practically ripped him off that Spider that was on Dona's back that caused her to change her past. I just changed things around a bit, mainly by pulling the typical 'last of my kind' card. I know he feels a bit like a Mary Sue (or Stew in this case) at times, but he was there to simply introduce the story, he won't be making any more appearances, except for maybe the last chapter.
ReplyDeleteSo, thanks for a review, and don't worry about it. I'm actually excited to find out how your Time Parasite turns out...
I'm getting to the point where I'm thinking of submitting this to EqD and that makes me nervous.
I think it would make it. You've got good characters, a solid story that's going places.. Personally, I don't think there's anything to worry about, but I don't know all of the qualifications that pre-readers look at over at EQD.
ReplyDeleteIf you do submit it, good luck!