Friday, August 12, 2011

Doctor Whoof and the Source

[Crossover] [Adventure] [Sci-Fi] [Dark]

Author: Master Shake

Description: The story follows Doctor Whoof as he embarks on an adventure to save Equestria from the evil which he accidentally summoned there when he crossed the gap between realities in his TARDIS. Along his journey he acquires the aid of each one of the mane six characters. They each become a Doctor's so called companion, but for only a brief period of time. As the story progresses, more and more is learned about an ancient artifact that every civilization has to call 'The Source'. With the help of our pastel colored equines, the Doctor will not only protect 'The Source' from those who wish to use its powers for evil, but learn more about what kind of a role the object played in the history of Equestria.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2 (WIP)

Additional Tags: Attempt at Epic origin story


  1. Let me just say, that it's my honor to be the first Fic posted on this blog. I hope to see many more over time. Thanks Enigma.

  2. The pleasure's all mine. Now to getting reading on these freshly minted fics - this one's first.

  3. I just finished part 1, and I have got to give you my kudos. I loved it thus far! The plot so far is good and simple, which can be a very hard thing to do with crossover fics. Well done! The dialogue is very believable and the overall word choice reads really smoothly. Good job with the format, too.

    The only things I could find were a few technical errors. The fanon name is Doctor Whooves, and you said Doctor Whoof in the title - it might be beneficial to change that. You also might need to bring some more consistency into capitalization (examples: Ponyville should always be capitalized and the Doctor probably should as well).

    At one point you said, play old black, might you have meant plain old black? Also, you said for the countless time. I think that might not be the most smooth way to get that point across. Perhaps the thousandth time or the umpteenth time?

    Some side notes, maybe you'd want a shorter description that gives away less for the post itself. And maybe shorten the chapters of the work a bit, but it really is up to you. Anyways, on to part two.

  4. Part 2 is good as well. As a work in progress, it is definitely progressing greatly.

    Some additional spelling errors, though. You can just Ctrl-F for them. You spelled shaking "shacking", Doctor "Doctot", and shiny "shinny."

    Other than that - keep up the great work. I have really enjoyed this fic so far, and I really think it would do well on EqD. Hope I've helped a bit. And hopefully others will offer their help as well.

  5. Thanks for you input.

    I'll get right onto fixing the mistakes.

    One question though. How do I go about adding more chapters? Do I just send an email to you with the links or is there something else?

  6. Yeah, you can just send an email to me, once it's updated with the additional chapters. I repost it with the updates when I get it. And I'm serious - this is some top notch writing here. I think this would do great on EqD.

  7. Take what I say with a grain of salt, as I have never seen Doctor Who. Now then...

    To add to what Enigma said, Ditzy came up as "Dizty" a lot in Chapter 2. Not a big deal, that should be easy to fix.

    One thing that did not sit well with me though happened immediately after speaking with the Time Louse. It seems like the Doctor is incredulous that the Louse gave him only an hour to save Twilight, as if that wasn't enough time. But then, Ditzy tells him that time doesn't matter and it causes some great revelation that he can just use the time machine for more time.

    But the Louse specifically said, "You do have a time machine, I think you can manage, Doctor". That seems to me like a big hint for the Doctor to miss, and then a very obscure statement that Ditzy makes gives him the idea that he missed. Unless I'm misinterpreting something?

    Other than that, great story. It keeps moving and doesn't dilly dally. And I especially like the dialogue, it seems to stay in-character well.

  8. Yeah. I really need to start correcting those errors.

    About the 'Time doesn't matter' bit. I can see how this could be confusing especially to those have never seen Doctor Who. You see he isn't stating the fact he can use the time machine for all the time he needs, that's too obvious for him. 'Time doesn't matter' helps Doctor come up with a plan on how to stop the Louse. It will be explained completely in the further 3rd or 4th.