Sunday, November 13, 2011

Swordpony (Update)

[Dark] [Adventure]

Author: Wisdom Thumbs

Description: As the Master Swordpony of the Princesses, Red Pommel is entrusted with the delivery of a Royal Dictum to the Griffin Kingdoms. But when he takes a shortcut through Shetland against Celestia's advice, he quickly finds himself in a fight for his life. Can Pommel make it to the Eyries, or will the Dictum fall into the wrong hooves?

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Additional Tags: Sword fight between two ponies


  1. Very good. A quick short that does what it means to do and doesn't overstay it's welcome.

    I don't have anything in the way of criticisms yet, as I've only read through it the one time. However, I give you credit for achieving one of my favorite things in fantasy writing- minimal outside exposition. Red Pommel didn't give us a bunch of meaningless information about the setting, or clarify some confusing terms. He was busy fighting, and the closest we were given to unrelated exposition were some vague references that were never explained. I love this technique, and you nailed it. Bravo.

  2. Thanks! I feel the story drags too much at the end, but that's because of EQD's minimum word limit for oneshots. It was originally just 14,000 or so words, and I had to beef it up and tack on a really long ending to get it to where it is now.

    I'm drawing the cover art right now, and might have it sent to EQD soon. I only really submitted here because I want Pony Draft to keep going, and because I was hoping for tips on how to make the ending drag less.

  3. Forgot to ask - what were some of the confusing terms you found? And what references were never explained? Most of my "style" consists of things I just things I do unconsciously. >_>

  4. Well, the entire idea of the Lower Kingdoms, Shetland, what exactly the Dictum scroll is... you didn't give a single full-on explanation, AND IT WAS WONDERFUL.

  5. Somehow, I convinced myself to write a prologue, which turned into the new first chapter.

    And... I hate it. Well, I like it, but I think it only drags the other two chapters down.

  6. Awesome work on getting this posted on EqD, Wiz. That's more than I can say.