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Author: Fluttersky
Description: Princess Celestia has been the ruler of Equestria for a long time yet very little is know about her past. So when a old friend decided to "drop in" and visit her, it causes quite a stir in the city of Canterlot. Through her fiend's visit does Twilight Sparkle and her friends learn more about past of their ruler of Equestria.
Prelude
Chapter 1
Additional Tags: Different Worlds, Celestia, Past, Memories, Human
First off Awesome site, and thanks for everything. Yet could somepony give me any type of feed back plz I would really like to write a good story but I need your guys help plz! (not trying to be needy but I waited at bit but no comments)
ReplyDeleteYeah sorry about that. I've just been caught uP in some IRL stuff.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I'd tell you to do is to re-read your fic. Your story is full of tense confusions and many other pretty obvious grammar mistakes. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be mean, but at times it feels like you're translating the story from another language. You've got a good idea but your delivery is far from best.
I don't know what else to tell you, other than to just go back and re-read everything and fix the grammar.
Okay, I figured as much but I needed another pair of eyes to confirm those doubts. I will give it another look. Thanks
ReplyDeleteLate as all hell to the party
ReplyDeleteBut fashionably late entrances are what makes a party goer!
But enough of my rambling to the review!
Okay dokey
As master shake said
Errors, Errors Everywhere, I actually had a tally going but I gave up fast, this is what I like to call a Pre Alpha Fan Fic
Kind of like Minecraft in the earlier days, eh sidetracking again.
One thing I did notice was that you capitalized words for no particular reason, don't worry a lot of authors do this, I do this ALL the time.
I'm noticing that you have used words that aren't correct, eg...
Emil glance around the place that he once stepped in before
-Which should be-
Emil glanced around the place that he had once stood in before.
This needs a (Human In Equestria) tag before it goes on EqD, I personally don't mind it but a heap of Bronies hate it and they would like to not have a nasty surprise.
I can't help but feel you rushed this, In some sentences there are plenty of grammatical errors in some of your words, and in a few you their gone!
You need to do a better job of hinting that Emil and that Wizard with the long name, are humans.
I had no idea that they were humans until Celestia called them human.
Is Emil a Guy or a Girl?
I'm seeing she and he, so I don't know.
Well that's my Review, I hoped I helped you out.
Have a good one.
Thanks for the help, I did rush it a bit since I was on my way to study abroad in Japan. Yet I wanted to write my story so people could tell me what they thought of it but pretty hard to give an opinion if you can barely read it(Mistake on my part). Thank you a lot for point out specific details in order for me to get an idea on where to start. I will try to see if I can re-write it and fix all those errors.
ReplyDelete